“Self-love is an action, not a state of feeling good.” Deborah Khoshaba, Psy.D.
During the development of my holistic Body Confidence Program, I came across this article on the topic of self-love. Confidence comes from knowing our value and from loving ourselves. It’s not always easy! It takes an active choice to love ourselves and to keep making positive steps in this direction.
An excerpt from Deborah Khoshaba’s article “Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love” is featured below:
A Prescription for Self-Love:
- Become mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel and want. They are mindful of who they are and act on this knowledge, rather than on what others want for them.
- Act on what you need rather than what you want. You love yourself when you can turn away from something that feels good and exciting to what you need to stay strong, centered, and moving forward in your life, instead. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.
- Practice good self-care. You will love yourself more, when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions.
- Set boundaries. You’ll love yourself more when you set limits or say no to work, love, or activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally and spiritually, or express poorly who you are.
- Protect yourself. Bring the right people into your life. I love the term frenemies that I learned from my younger clients. It describes so well the type of “friends” who take pleasure in your pain and loss rather than in your happiness and success. My suggestion to you here: Get rid of them! There isn’t enough time in your life to waste on people who want to take away the shine on your face that says, “I genuinely love myself and life”. You will love and respect yourself more.
- Forgive yourself. We humans can be so hard on ourselves. The downside of taking responsiblity for our actions is punishing ourselves too much for mistakes in learning and growing. You have to accept your humanness (the fact that you are not perfect), before you can truly love yourself. Practice being less hard on yourself when you make a mistake. Remember, there are no failures, if you have learned and grown from your mistakes; there are only lessons learned.
- Live intentionally. You will accept and love yourself more, whatever is happening in your life, when you live with purpose and design. Your purpose doesn’t have to be crystal clear to you. If your intention is to live a meaningful and healthy life, you will make decisions that support this intention, and feel good about yourself when you succeed in this purpose. You will love yourself more if you see yourself accomplishing what you set out to do. You need to establish your living intentions, to do this.
Reference: Deborah Khoshaba’s article “Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love.” Read the full article here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-hardy/201203/seven-step-prescription-self-love
Create your own jar of happiness!
1. Find jar (or box or tea pot or gift bag or….)
2. Fill with happiness mementos!
Happiness mementos = scrap of paper with the name of a good friend, post-it note with list of three gratitudes, teabag tag with awesome quote, ticket stub from inspiring musical performance, feather found while walking home from work…
3. What is in your jar of happiness? When you need a reminder, empty jar and enjoy the memories.
4. Share happiness with others! Smile, share, be weird! 🙂 🙂 🙂
This video really made me smile. I know that trying something new can be weird, icky, and strange. I have to admire these kids for their willingness to try something new… and to keep chewing. As I watch this video, I find myself laughing at the wrinkled noses, raised eyebrows, and confused expressions that arise as these kids try to understand the strange flavor. I also find myself encouraged to continue to try new things and to appreciate the strange flavors that life has to offer.
When was the last time that you tried something new?
About the medicine: There are 6 principles that guide naturopathic health care. The Latin phrases and English translations are listed below.
- Primum non nocere – First, do no harm. Harm should not be inflicted by neglect of symptoms or by overuse of medicines. Naturopathic medicine is intended to be gentle and effective, using the lowest force of intervention to shift a patient toward health.
- Tolle causam – Treat the cause, not just the effect. A collection of symptoms is the language that the body uses to communicate. These symptoms are valuable clues that can be used to determine the cause of the illness. Rather than treating the symptoms, naturopathic medicine aims to determine (and to treat) the true cause of illness.
- Tolle totum – Treat the whole person – body, mind, and spirit. The essence of a person’s health reaches beyond their physical or mental symptoms. Reconnecting with our “wholeness” is a vital component of health. Consideration of social and environmental influences are also important to understanding the wholeness (and health) of both the individual and the community.
- Docere – Doctor as teacher. The word “doctor” originates from the Latin verb “docere” which translates into English as “to teach.” Education about health is an important aspect of patient care. When a doctor provides explanations about the mechanisms of the body, the patients can make educated choices about their health care and take an active role in their well-being.
- Vis Medicatrix Naturae – Healing Power of Nature. The body has a natural ability to heal. An abundance of healing can be received through connection to nature and utilization of the natural medicines that are available to us.
- Praevenire – Prevention is the best cure. The positive actions that are taken today can have a profound influence on health. It is never too late to start taking positive actions toward health! Sometimes the first step toward prevention is starting a conversation with someone who can help to guide you toward your health goals.
I like to add a 7th principle to the list: Intention. I want to approach each of my patients with the positive intention that we will find the best medicine for achieving health. The definition of “medicine” can be broad in this context, and I look forward to finding that optimal fit for you. I want you to also hold the intention that you are making a positive and sustainable impact on your well-being through new choices, a sense of humor (laughter CAN be the best medicine!), and freedom from self-judgement.
Autumn W. Farr, M.S., N.D.
About the mind-body connection: Research continues to show that the mind influences the body in profound ways. The mechanisms of these pathways are not completely understood, but the process of mind-body connection can be used to positively enhance the healing process.
Check out this article about Harvard University’s MRI research: Meditation Rebuilds Brain’s Gray Matter in 8 weeks
So….how do we achieve a mind-body connection? There are many answers to this question, mostly because this is such an individualized and personal process. In my experience, I find that we achieve a mind-body connection through gentle awareness of our surroundings, positive intentions from our heart, and a deep commitment to bring our best self forward. How do you find your mind-body connection?
From Dr. Farr:
Thank you for your curiosity in this aspect of health and well-being. If you are new to mindfulness practices, or if you are experienced with mindfulness and meditation, or if you need some extra vitality for your current mindfulness routine, I’d love to talk with you. I’m sure that we can both learn from each other. Schedule an appointment, and we can start the conversation!
Autumn W. Farr, M.S., N.D.